Wendell’s Straight Talk

I learned a very important lesson that could no longer be ignored: the person providing care needs care, too. Caregivers are often told, “Take care of yourself.” Although that advice is well intended, it can feel unrealistic when someone depends on you throughout the day and there is no one available to take your place.

The truth is, telling a caregiver to rest without helping provide the time, resources, or support needed to rest is not enough. Self-care is more than taking a bubble bath, going on vacation, or treating yourself. It means protecting your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being so you can continue caring without completely losing yourself in the process.

What Can Happen When You Ignore Your Needs?

Caregivers may become so focused on medications, appointments, meals, finances, safety, and everyday responsibilities that they overlook their own warning signs.

Those warning signs may include:

• Constant exhaustion or difficulty sleeping
• Irritability, anger, or resentment
• Feeling anxious, helpless, or emotionally numb
• Withdrawing from family and friends
• Changes in appetite or weight
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Missing personal medical appointments
• Losing interest in things that once brought joy
• Feeling as though caregiving has become your entire identity

Long-term caregiver stress can contribute to poor sleep, depression, illness, and physical or emotional exhaustion. The National Institute on Aging encourages caregivers to pay attention to their own health, remain active, eat well, prioritize sleep, and ask others for help.

Ignoring these warning signs does not make someone a stronger caregiver. Eventually, exhaustion can affect the caregiver’s health, relationships, judgment, patience, and ability to provide safe care.

Self-Care Is Part of the Care Plan

Caring for yourself does not mean you love the person receiving care any less. It means recognizing that your health matters too.

Self-care may begin with something as simple as:

1. Tell the truth about how you are feeling.Stop automatically saying, “I’m fine,” when you are exhausted or overwhelmed.
2. Choose one need that cannot continue to wait.It may be scheduling your medical appointment, getting more sleep, eating a proper meal, attending worship, or speaking with a counselor.
3. Ask for specific help.Instead of saying, “I need help,” try asking, “Can you stay with my loved one Tuesday from 1:00 to 2:00 while I attend my appointment?” Specific requests are easier for others to understand and answer.
4. Create a short relief list.Write down three people or organizations you can contact when you need assistance. Do not wait for a crisis to begin looking for support.
5. Protect a small amount of personal time.Start with 10 or 15 minutes. Step outside, pray, listen to music, journal, stretch, breathe deeply, or simply sit without completing another task.
6. Discuss respite care before you are completely exhausted.Respite care can be provided by relatives, friends, adult-day programs, community organizations, or professional caregivers. Accepting relief is responsible caregiving—not abandonment.

Resources That Can Help

You do not have to change everything in one day. Choose one need, take one step, and allow someone to help you carry the weight.

Small intentional steps create BIG changes